These past several months have been a struggle for me. Coming home to my simple life again from an eventful year in Sweden and nearing the end of college has brought up a lot of intense emotions for me. The uncertainty of where I would end up and the itch to prove that I am noteworthy led me to things out of needing external love and validation. So this morning I had enough of it. I like to use these cards that give me a message and a bible verse as a sort of foundation to my day and to give me something to reflect on. This morning I pulled the message, "Focus on God's Love." What a way to put me on blast. Essentially, it told me to stop doing dumb human things like seeking outside love from people, to start looking inward and loving myself first, and to be patient and trust God's timing, which of course resonated deeply.
I think the uncertainty of everything made me feel like trusting was too much of a risk, which is ironic. When I look back on everything that has happened in my life, the prayers that have been answered and the consistency, it's very silly. Every loss, in perspective, has never actually been a loss. It has always opened doors for me and been a chance to start over again. So I'm not sure why it went so haywire. This is why I want to focus on the choice to make a change. When you're at this point, you start to realize that the choices you are making are the reason you're in such an unstable state -- emotionally and mentally. You have to watch yourself and actively make the choice to put your energy into things that make you feel whole, beautiful, kind, positive and loved. It's about doing what is right for you versus what is convenient. So here's to a new beginning :)
I found this song today, which I found very beautiful ♡
A few things I'm grateful for today:
I caught whatever cooties the preschoolers I work with always have, but today is an in staff day so I get to just rest and recover
My doggy came up to my bedroom to snuggle with me until I woke up (pictured below)
Perspective from time to reflect this morning
When I finish my assignments, I'm going to watch The Office tonight
:)
I'm going to start adding these to the end of my entries for a personal touch. I have missed you all so much! Don't hold back from reaching out for anything, I'd love to reconnect :)
Mwah, Katie ♡
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