This topic holds deep sentimental value and always stirs such an intense emotional resonance in me. The strains of Clara and the prince's pas de deux will always bring tears to my eyes (which not many songs do), the waltz of the flowers and the waltz of the snowflakes triggers my fight or flight, and I don't think I will ever look at Ariel from the Little Mermaid or Glinda from the Wizard of Oz without seeing myself. I fondly remember playing the spring fairy in Cinderella, Arabian in the nutcracker three years in a row, Spanish, that one dance of the reed flutes number that is different at every company, and even mother ginger... that one not so much but my mom made the costume so it's a warm memory.
I started ballet at the age of three because I was supposedly pigeon-toed, always tripping over myself, as my mom likes to recount. She thought I needed some improvement in turn-out and grace I guess. Thus, my journey began, clad in denim Winnie the Pooh overalls at my first ballet class while the other little girls showed up with their sleek little bowed-up buns and pink leotards. Looking back, it's quite endearing. My mom was anticipating the first class to be an orientation, just to be talking about what we would be doing and what we needed to bring. Among all the little girls who attended that class though, I'm the only one who stuck with it throughout my life so it appears I had the last laugh.
From my early years - I am four here :)
I considered it to be something I was doing just because, not really realizing how much I enjoyed it. Since I was a baby, I have been obsessed with music and any activity that made me feel closer to it - singing, instruments, and of course dance. It was only natural that this would be my first and enduring love.
I was about 7 or 8 when I started to actually embrace it as a part of my identity. I remember so vividly watching the older girls and their pointe shoes - watchfully studying their tying techniques and the various peculiar wool and jelly pads they inserted. That was what I wanted more than anything in the whole world. My mom would take me to San Francisco to see The Nutcracker, Sleeping Beauty, Swan Lake or whatever other performance they were putting on. The experience was surreal to my childhood self and to this day, it has evolved into a cherished ritual for us.
I started with my local parks and recreation, but when my instructor noticed my genuine love and interest, she offered me a spot at her studio to which I willfully made the transition to when I was 10. This was where I finally felt special. This new studio put on real shows with roles. One of my first special roles was the bluebird in Snow White. They used the Princess Florine variation music from Sleeping Beauty for me and that was my first time ever performing on pointe. I felt like I was a prima in that moment even though I moved with the fluidity of a toothpick, but that was a feeling I've still never gotten from anything else.
As I got older into my teen years, this was when I really felt like I became something. I played the lead role of Ariel in The Little Mermaid the summer before my Senior year of high school and that is one of my proudest moments of my entire life to this very day. I worked for months, harder than I ever had, and it was perfect. My uncle designed the scenery and as much of my extended family came as possible.
I think that's what makes it so profound for me. As someone who grew up very shy, I struggled to find a way to shine or feel seen. But this was my gift - and a silent expression that rendered words unnecessary. It's the way it elevates me into my natural being and the way it makes me feel the most beautiful I have ever felt. There were difficult moments: favoritism, blisters, never getting roles I would have died for, and weird friend dynamics, but I hardly ever think about those parts because the profound impact of the positive moments made the entire experience truly joyful and worthwhile.
A few things I'm grateful for today:
I did a lot of my assignments over the weekend, so today I've been able to dedicate my energy to just doing things that make me happy (like this post :])
My mom is back home from helping my brother move into his condo
I'm feeling much more confident with leading my preschool class - I'm so grateful for the coaching I receive from my center, I feel like I am constantly learning so much in such a positive environment
I'm feeling more and more at peace with who I really am and where I am now
Katie ♡
ps if you got a random notification about a new blog post that literally only said "yada yada"..... now you know how I archive my ideas for posts lol
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