My birthday was toward the end of January and I wanted to connect to my lore. Ballet season is in the spring and Christmastime, so I opted to celebrate by instead visiting an art museum and indulging in some wine tasting. I live in the boondocks of California, so the vineyards are conveniently close, but it did require about an hour's drive to reach a museum that had classical art. I ended up going to Stockton's Haggin Museum along with my parents.
I spent the most time in the exhibit that depicted American landscapes and nature pieces. I would say I looked at them, but I actually felt like I was watching these pieces. The serene atmosphere of that room enveloped me, I probably lingered for five minutes at each painting. This section featured works by notable artists such as Jasper Cropsey, Bruce Cane, and several pieces by Albert Bierstadt.
Looking Up Yosemite Valley by Albert Bierstadt
Having invested a substantial amount of time with each painting, I eventually reached the final one in the room, the focal point of this post. Before looking into its description, I casually skimmed over its surface. The artwork brought up memories of the enchanting illustrations from my childhood fairy books, reminiscent of pixie hollow and similar magical realms. It was charming. Upon transitioning to the description though, it revealed:
"... (it) reveals his interest in using nature as an allegory of the human condition. The highly detailed landscape is filled with symbols of renewal and decay, while trees form cathedral-like arches, leading the viewer to deeper sacred spaces."
Woodland Temple by Thomas Moran
At this moment in time, I was happening to feel very hopeless and overwhelmed in my life. Determined to find solace, I examined the painting more closely. I found new buds and signs of growth emerging from the trees' trunks, a rushing waterfall transforming into a still and somewhat murky stream, the presence of moss, interplay of shadows and light, and upon closer inspection, delicate butterflies—the symbol of transformation. In that moment, it felt as if I were gently cradled. A reminder of the essence of being human washed over me, and the longer I looked, the more an incredible feeling of hope grew brighter inside of me. It made me feel so burdenless seeing how death and birth were so intertwined. I didn't feel alone or stuck anymore, even for just those few minutes I stood there. It was so beautiful and pure.
I don't think I've encountered a piece that has resonated with me on such a profound level before. It occupied my thoughts for the remainder of that day, and now, nearly two months later, its impact clearly lingers. Life doesn't and hasn't ever guaranteed a permanent happily ever after, but it also doesn't mean that the light at the end of the tunnel is absent. This is an ongoing lesson for me. As human beings, our job is to fluctuate between positive and negative phases, continuously learning and growing stronger from this. These experiences guide us in understanding and prioritizing what truly matters.
With every loss comes the opportunity for personal rebirth.
This cycle of renewal is undeniably beautiful.
A few things I'm grateful for today:
My graduation dress came! It is a beautiful, soft baby yellow and I feel so pretty in it :') Maybe when my other dresses I ordered for the springtime come, I'll do a dress haul :)
My assignments didn't take as long as I thought they would, so I got to take my doggy for a walk and relax a little bit more
My mom made such an incredible dinner tonight: steak, potatoes and brussel sprouts
I am seeing my friend tomorrow in the morning! I'm so excited - it's been longer than acceptable in my opinion
Messages and verses from today:
Release your cares to God & rest
Psalm 55:1
Center yourself through love
1 John 4:12
Katie ♡
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